Hallucinatory Dreams

Alright so I'm NOT crazy.... at least not about this! I've had crazy nightmares ever since I was a little kid and always just thought I was weird for waking up thinking I was awake and actually still dreaming or waking up and having an anxiety attack becasue I couldn't tell which life was actually real. This article helps a lot, as do the comments at the end.
Hallucinatory Dream

Anyway Go and read it and tell me if you think all of us are nuts. Sincerely, Rena Can't Sleep

patient self care dwindles

. Great blog about impatient patients

http://www.invisibledisabilities.org/coping-with-invisible-disabilities/perseverance-illness-pain/

New flarek

I've dropped ten pounds, canka sores all through my mouth, can't sleep more than four hours, extreme muscle spasms and breaking out in acne. Hello fibromyalgia flare Up, I hate you just an fyi

Plea

I'm laying here in agony
and I'm praying God for you to see.
I know you're there
and yet I can't help feel it's unfair.
Why do I have to go through this tonight?
I'm so sick of being in pain without gain
Without anything changing for the better.
I want to be excited for rain not worried about pain.
I don't want to have worries about coming weather.
Will I always get worse?
I hate this invisible curse
Like you're crushing me as I lay in your hand.
I'm trying Lord, but I'm still crying Lord
and the pain has a burn like a brand.
When it makes me deformed
and there's no beauty in me.
When the pain's firmly etched in my face,
Will I still cling to your arm?
Will you protect me from this harm?
This love can't ever be replaced easily.
Cause I'd crumble with ease
Trying so hard to please.
Oh don't leave me alone on this night.
As the moon hides away
Whisper joy and peace for new days
And help me continue to write

Fly Away

The sun is shining and the skies are clear,
but inside I'm fighting. Battling fear.
Cause I know that it's there. Right under my skin.
Ready to pop up and I never knew when.
Like a ghost in the night it's stolen my dreams.
It feeds on the anguish, devouring my screams.
Nobody sees it. No one can tell.
I may look like I'm healthy, It's my own secret hell.
How incredibly ironic, such a sting of irony.
I'm terrified of pain. But the pain's a part of me.
It's always there riding up on my shoulder.
Keeping the sun off my face, making me colder.
A phantom that plagues me that I can't comprehend.
I can't see a future where I'm fast on the mend.
I'm begging for healing. Praying for aid.
Asking for Help, hoping I won't continue to fade.
I'm laughing and smiling like the world's quite alright.
But I'm terrified of the shadows, the whispers at night.
When I look in the mirror there's no me to see.
Just a facade, a cheap imitation that's liked much more than me
Everyone loves her. Thinks that she's grand.
While I'm behind the mask screaming, I don't understand!
Why is this happening? I want my life back!
Why suffer for a lifetime? Why not a quick heart attack?
I'm whining Lord and I hope that i'm not a regret.
I'm trying so hard to be patient, to try not to fret.
So please hold me gently. Soothe this troubled mind.
If you could make me unconscious  it'd be ever so kind.
Just let me drift awhile. Let me find some relief.
Help me hold onto my sanity, strengthen my belief.
That way when everything fails and everyone's gone.
I'll have you to cling to. You to help me hold on.
As the medicine dulls me and I start to drift away.
I thank you for this journey and another new day.
You're my bastion of strength and you sing me to sleep.
Watch over me Lord. Bring me back from the deep.

Illusion of Completion

I don't want to be different.
Please don't turn away.
Cause maybe the pain is worth it,
maybe the warmth makes it okay.
I'm certainly aware of pain.
I know my body well.
Don't tell me to treat it better,
I'm not stupid I can always tell,
I can see when i'm flagging,
when my strength is fading fast.
Dreams and schemes are put to rest
cause the hope and endurance won't last.
If you need my help, need a hand,
don't turn to others, please understand,
I need to serve, Need to be needed
God won't let me be helpless.
won't let me lay down defeated.
I'm a soldier and I'll fight this fight.
I'll keep on walking
through the long long night.
Will you walk with me as equals?
Walk hand in hand?
I'm asking you darling,
Can you please understand?
Give me a hug, tell me what you need.
When you treat me like I'm still whole
you become a friend indeed.

Prisoner of Fate

The fire makes it hard to sleep,
dreams of screams and rivers deep.
Wake up to the milky darkness
cruel genetics, sometimes heartless,

Hiding the pain from family and friends
wishing that someday the horror would end
Knowing it won't, it will only get harder,
harder to cope, most wouldn't bother.

So I'll change my life and hope it works
cause the only alternative does nothing but hurt