You can never truly appreciate your health until it's gone. I had a good day today, and by good I mean that the pain only made me tear up a few times. I wonder if I'm being cursed, punished somehow for my sins, but I cannot seem to figure out what terrible thing i have done to deserve this.
You most likely think that I'm being melodramatic, I'm not. I wake up and it's a fight just to convince myself to get out of bed. Another fight to force myself to eat because lord knows the nausea from the pain and depression has killed my appetite. I go to work or school and I look worn out, haggard, and I can't even summon enough energy to be upset. I looked in the mirror today and saw a ghost. My face has thinned out so much and the shadows under my eyes make me appear fragile and sickly.... The fight to go to work and keep working it terrible. I pray constantly please lord let me last this next hour, this next minute, this next moment. It's terrible.
Over all tonight is just bad. I should call someone and talk to them because lord knows I should not be alone right now, I'm not suicidal or anything I'm just in uv a slump that I don't move, or talk or do anything. Typing right now id terribly painful but i keep at it because I need to share, to tell others that they aren't alone. With hope tomorrow will be better, with hope the pain will go below a dull roar and my heart wont feel so stressed and heavy. I do not know what i would do without god .... I hsve no idea.
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