I may very well hurt the next person who comments on how being chronically ill is going to affect my relationships. I know I've ranted about this before but people continue to amaze me at how insensitive they can be. I understand that people who are well don't see another person who is well willing to deal with me being sick. I get that.... really...and I also get why people commit assault... very well actually.
I've had my grandmother mention it in passing which only slightly aggravated me. And of course I've had the numerous coworkers who go "Oh... you can't do this.. or that... how the hell do you expect to get married" .... well gee merry martha can't we go on roller coaster of negativity again? It was a lot of fun!
Probably the worst one I've had was fairly recent. My father. The man who is basically me with male genitalia and as many ex-wives as some people have cars in their driveway. He actually thought he was okay to go and lecture me on marriage. Good try .... I believe his direct line of thinking was like "You know I love you right Serena? I really do. But I honestly can't picture anyone willing to put up with you for the rest of your life".... email format.... no joke. Hey dad? You're as jackass.... but you know I love you right? idiot.... He knows so much of me and how I tick and yet didn't see this as being hurtful. I can't even imagine him being ignorant he was just pretending he didn't know it would cut like a knife (insert old skating song....)
For any of you who are reading this in order to learn from a fibromite about all you can do to help your loved one with a chronic illness...... NEVER NEVER NEVER SAY THIS! Ever! In ANY form! It is not helpful and with probably result in your loved one throwing something scalding or very heavy at your face. Because if you are friends with this person they will then question how hard it is for you for to be their friend... and you'll come up short in comparison deary, never fear. If you are family to this person you are forever going to be blacklisted in personal chats (well... this might actually be helpful to some of you) and they will never speak to you again about things that bother them. And if you are anyone else who was just trying to show that you really understand how badly their life is going to suck, you are indeed a moron and an insensitive cad.
On a brighter note, I've spoken with my grandmother about me probably never marrying and she says if I have kids on my own through a sperm bank or adoption she won't write me out of her will or refuse to speak to me again, she'll just pray for my soul and the soul of any children I have.... definitely more positive than I was thinking.....
And if you are reading this as someone who has a chronic illness please listen very carefully. Anyone who ever says this to you "Oh wow you'll probably never find a husband, have kids etc etc etc" is a complete idiot and knows nothing about your illness. At first I thought this was true but it really isn't at all. I've come to know many people who have fibromyalgia, arthritis, lupus, etc who had a family and then got sick and retained that family or else had the illness and then attained a family. It's definitely hard work and not for the faint of heart but it CAN happen. Just keep searching and if you happen to find a spare guy throw him my way will ya? I could use all the help in that department that I can find. Last date I had constantly asked me if I had my cane just in case, when we'd go out, or ask me if i'd taken my meds like I was supposed to. I almost and I do same ALMOST remembered the guy who said I had too much "baggage" fondly.... it was sad. Guy was nice (not the baggage guy) but there can almost me too much awareness and acceptance of an illness. Good luck fibromites!!!
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